I always thought I would be the enforcer-type of mom. The one who says, "You kids eat what I make -- end of discussion." Yeah, I pictured myself stern and firm just like that.
Well, now that I have a toddler, I see I'm not as tough as I thought. I'm quite the pushover, really. At meal time, I find myself spending more time rummaging through the kitchen in search of something that my gal will find palatable at the moment (because, of course, the dinner I cooked that night just wasn't good enough). I don't know why I do it ... well, I do. I don't want her to be hungry. She's just so little.
Axel is always reminding me not to cater towards my daughter's sometimes picky/sometimes not eating habits. Yup, you guessed it. Dad is definitely the Enforcer.
I guess I've worried that my girl is too young to follow the eating rules ... but am I wrong? Is an almost 2-year-old mature enough to handle the "Eat What I Make You" rule? Is it too late? Can I still be an Enforcer?
Your comments are much appreciated.
13 comments:
Hey there! I am not a parent, so take this with what you will :) I am a teacher and for some extra "training" my supervisor gave me some CD's called love and logic and they say to start enforcing your rules from the time they start eating solid foods. By giving logical consequences for their choices and actions and then showing love and empathy for the consequences they encounter, they are supposed to learn... according to Love and Logic. Of course, I don't have my own kids to try it on so I am just somewhat attempting to say what I think that they would tell you. But, if she is winning small battles now, she'll try for bigger ones later. (Also according to them).
Again... I am not a parent and this could be total crap, but I am going to try it out first when I have kids :)
I guess what I sort of mean is that... she'll be hungry if she chooses not to eat what is for dinner.. then you show love and empathy towards her hunger, not using what they call "fighting words" like "of course your hungry, you had the choice to eat!" but more loving and saying things like "yeah, I'd be hungry too if I didn't eat my supper... I bet you'll look forward to snack time" or whatever. Okay... I am talking way too much and I am by no means any sort of expert. Wow... sorry. Overstepping my bounds or something.
Courtney lou,
thank you so much! No bounds overstepped at all, your comments are extremely helpful. I didn't even think of introducing rules when I introduced solids.
Already, new insight.
Wow. You've got some great advice here.
I second the notion that as parents you must be on the same page (for pretty must everything) so your child(ren) will know how important things are to you (food, beliefs, rules, etc.)
Also, I think too often the term "enforce" is seen as the bad cop way of doing things. You can enforce with kindness and love thereby reducing the chances that doing what's best is not seen as such a horrible thing.
i'm not quite as experienced as your other friends, but does mugga like to imitate you or axel? i say that because my nephew who is almost two will eat just about anything as long as he sees other people, mostly mom, eating/drinking it too.
i want to say that i will be the enforcer or am the enforcer too, but i've turned into the pushover overnight. it's hard when you are the one who has to handle most of the daily care. i'm sure she'll get the hang of it.
oh! you could put balut and what you made in front of her and give her the choice of either for dinner...kidding.
i don't know all the details of your problem, but i can tell you about my experience with flynn. we did cater to him by finding things he would eat if he wouldn't eat what we were having. sometimes that didn't even work though. for a while we noticed that he would get hungry like an hour after dinner, so maybe it was just bad timing. i also read that children have a different food clock than adults & get their nutrition on a 48 hour schedule rather than 24, which is why sometimes they will devour & sometimes not. i don't remember what age that changes. i am with you on just wanting to make sure they get fed at that age. i will say that something eventually clicked with flynn & it turned into no more than an occassional problem. whatever you decide to do, just relax about it. & get her some multi-vitamins to help you sleep better at night:). she'll come around, just don't stop offering her what you eat & making her corn dogs & chicken nuggets :).
Veeda, I am a Love and Logic parent in training. We bought the book when Savannah was still cooking in my belly. I just ate it up. There is great advice in it and is very, well, logical about parenting. I don't plan on getting any other parenting book. In our family, I am the enforcer and Josh is the push over. I hold the same opinion as Axel and Josh holds true to your feelings. Most nights I win our occasional battle over Savannah eating what we make for dinner. Sometimes I feel like that battle isn't worth it and Josh takes over while Savannah eats. Really, we need to make a few changes to be on the same page because mixed signals is never good. Thankfully Savannah eats most everything I make her and when it is just me and her and 99% of the time we are together as a family the rules are enforced.
I have understood the picky eater rules like give kids what they like and have a rule to try a little of everything made for the meal, serve dessert with the meal and never do it as a reward for eating the 'good' foods and stuff like that.
I have been quite surprised on how little Savannah can eat and be ok until the next meal or snack time. Mugga is never too young to start enforcing good eating behavior. Mugga is certainly too young for some of this but maybe a thought for the future when she doesn't sit in a high chair: when you make dinner that she refuses to eat and makes a stink about it or shows tacky table manners you could 1. do not let on that you are upset. Say 'No Problem' or something similar then take her plate to the garbage disposal and put her food down it then say 'run along, do what kids do after dinner. We'll see you at breakfast.' Then if the kids raid the fridge because they are hungry they didn't eat dinner you charge them for the meal with their allowance. The point is that you already bought the food for the evening meal and the kids rejected it and made their own so they must pay for it. 2. (Not Love and Logic but could work) Say the same thing but wrap up their dinner plate and put it in the fridge then at breakfast served them their left overs. They can eat something new when they finish their dinner. 3. (back to love and logic) Instead of saying things like 'you eat it now and you eat all of it or clean your plate before you leave the table' use thinking words like 'have you had enough to make it to the next meal? I hope so, but you decide.' Kids should decide how much they are going to eat. 4. if you can't change bad behavior change the location: say eat nicely in your chair or play on the floor and follow through (works great for a one year old). This isn't about punishment or making kids feel bad it is letting the child know, with love, that when their behavior is not tolerable the meal is over. And with older kids you can change it up like this: allow them to eat somewhere else that is unappealing where they can gross themselves out with their manners like the dryer or the toilet (cleaned of course) you get the idea.
I hope that helped.
Veed, she's not going to die of starvation if she misses a meal or two. (This doesn't apply to liquids, of course.) If she's hungry enough, she'll eat. BTW, this came straight from my pediatrician.
Tons of great advice here. I say that whatever you choose to do, be consistent! We catered a bit to our first and then had to put a stop to it when she was 2 1/2. What a nightmare! I was determined with my second not to cater and it has been so much easier!
Another set of props to Love and Logic ... we're L&L parents and it is SO helpful, especially with our chronically inflexible child. Letting the kids make choices (out of two options, of which you're fine with both) empowers them and makes them so much happier. Just today I asked my Goose what was her favorite part of the day and she told me it was when I asked if she wanted to wear a dress or shorts because when she picked to wear the dress, I said, "That's great."
Who would have ever thought that could be the highlight of a child's day!?!
My parentals forced us to eat what was offered. While David's started out that way, by the time he came around his mom caved and let him eat whatever he wanted. Usually a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I like him just fine and he likes me. hurray!
Ha, love that picture - she looks like she means business!
I'm like you.
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